sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
