Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
