did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
