thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I will pee on everything he values.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
