I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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