my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
