So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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