my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
