The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
