Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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