Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my being single is dangerous.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
