Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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