it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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