I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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