that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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