You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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