i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
