I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So much rum. So many feels.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
