I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
