He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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