i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
