he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
third nipple confirmed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
