I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
