Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
