i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
