Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Randomize
