sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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