Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
