Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
