are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
