Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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