He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
