You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
