morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize