There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just had sex on a roof
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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