i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
