Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
