The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
