Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
