i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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