Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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