I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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