4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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