I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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