I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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