Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
