Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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