Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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