Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
