Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
