Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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