Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
