he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
They took my balls.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
