omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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