i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
