Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
