I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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