What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
